What if you could turn back time and change the past.

Would you do it?

I wouldn't.

What if you could choose all over again.

Would the decision still be the same.

I wish.

What if I'm gone from this world.

Would anyone miss me.

Don't.

What if I never existed in the first place.

Would everything be in the rightful place as it should be.

Yes.

What if I say I'm sad.

Would anyone care.

I don't think so.

What if I've changed for the better.

Would it be too late for that.

You said so.

 What if the world would be a better place without me.

Would you wish so.

I would.

What if I admit that I'm wrong.

Would you hear me out.

You wouldn't believe it.

What if I need someone here for me now.

Would you be here.

You're not.

What if I said I love you.

Would you feel the same way.

I wouldn't know now.

Do I wish that I'm gone from this world.

Yes, I would very much like so.

Do you think I am emo.

Yes, I am very tonight.

Hopefully just tonight.

Nosebleeds.

Here it comes again.

More frequent as it gets.

There goes another of my  'Langkawi' shirt.

Already twice this week.

Why does it happen so frequently these days.

Is it because I'm sick.

Or that I'm hot(probably true xD).

Warm?

Brain damage would be my guess.

Or maybe it's my time to go.

Nobody knows.

Shh.

It'll be our little secret.

And if it's true.

I have no regrets*.

I will go.

As intended or fated.

I will go far far away.

No matter how far it is.

I will go willingly.

As long as I stop bleeding.

Where ever it is.

My nose.

My heart.

Just stop bleeding already.

*touch wood!

The night is long, and I feel cold.

I don't feel warmth anymore. 

I feel numb. 

The laughters yesterday fade so quickly and swiftly, it was like a mirage itself. 

Was it real, was any of it real? 

Cause what I think I am feeling now, contradicts with what I did yesterday.

It was like the world turned upside down.

I am confused.

Was the things I heard real, those words that came from you.

Did you mean anything that you've said?

Or am I stuck in nightmare, a nightmare that seems so real to me.

Am I actually asleep or awake when all of this revolves around me.

Here I am, clueless.

Clueless about what is happening.

Sitting, staring endlessly towards the ceiling with awe.

Trying to interpret what is actually happening.

Trying to find the reason why is my heart torn apart by the one is it made for.

It is alright if the world treats me like that.

But I don't expect you to be like that too.

I get it.

I really do.

Here I am, thinking.

Thinking about everything that happened right from the beginning.

Thinking about where I belong.

But I guess it's nowhere.

Cause that's the way it is from the beginning.

The cost of the truth is pain.

The night is long.

Unlike any other nights.

Where we do our assignments and crap together.

Tonight, I do it alone.

Painfully with sorrow.

I thought my next post will be a happy one.

So much for happiness.

Feelings

This is the first time I've encountered such feelings.

Feelings full of uncertainties and doubts.

Doubts that resolve around our little attachment.

An attachment that was made out of a certain haste.

Too hasty to the extend that we're still not sure of what's in our heart.

The hearts that are uncertain of what it wants and needs.

Wants and needs that differs from one another.

Emotions

We have emotions due to the fact that we're human.

No matter how truant or rebellious we are.

But to what extend do our emotions reach.

To the length where we can still differ the right from the wrong.

Or to the extend where doing what is felt at that time is right.

Or is there a right or wrong to begin with.

The sense of worth is blurred.

The balance of the act that could destroy the things dear to the heart if carried out.

The word consequence no longer carry a meaning.

But what done is done.

And the only thing left to say is.

"I'm an emotional person."

And emotions are uncontrollable.

Rationality

Rationality is a trait where one can weight and identify the rights and wrongs of an action and the good and bad that it carries before doing it.

Rationality is thinking too much to those people who's emotional.

Rationality prevents one from doing the wrong thing.

But is rationality always pointing one to the right direction?

Can rationality and emotions get along?

Are we nothing but a hasty mistake?

Can a rational person forgive a sin made out of emotionality.

Adultery

To simpletons, it's called cheating.

It's an act of betrayal to the other party in an attachment.

Is it done cause there's no more love to the other side?

Or is it to satisfy the need of excitement of the heart?

Is it done to prove something?

Or is it done out of nothing but uncontrollable emotionalities?

Can a rational person cheat and betray?

It has become too common in the world today.

To the point where it's acceptable.

And laws are even made to protect and benefit those cheaters.

I have nothing more to say.

I can only feel sorry for the victims of adultery.

I symphatise myself.

The Heart

The heart is where feelings are from.

Love and affection comes from it as well.

All of us have only one heart.

It can be given to one as whole.

Or as fragments in cases of "more than one".

What the heart feels are special and significant.

No genius can predict what a heart would feel.

Nor can science prove the feelings from the heart.

Just like science can't prove the existence of love.
As much as a heart can be all warm and tender.

A heart can be cold and ruthless as well.

A heart can hurt and scar.

Hurt on a heart a slowly go away but a scar on a heart remains forever.

So think twice before doing something that will hurt someone.

Cause the scar will be engraved on the heart.

And will be carved in the mind of a person.

Forever.

The Merries and Berries of Christmas 09`

Christmas Eve

Presents! Yes, presents. The day when you get pressies from your loved ones! Early pressies or course. Not really sure if it's the right time to give out pressies but who cares? The earlier the better! I got my Christmas pressie today from my baby bear, and it's something I'll never expect it. I got a watch! An Alba watch! I was happy and sad at the same time, but still, I'm super duper happy! Yeppie! Why sad? Cause it's too much of a pressie from someone, even my baby. It's too expensive. Thank you baby bear. I love you! Then we went clubbing but someone ruined it. They just have to do it. Went back early when the night's young. Kinda owe my friends one. Owh, I got my baby a baby pooh and a piggy bank! First the piggy bank, then the baby pooh. Sorry to disappoint you with the piggy bank baby, it's the pupose of the lil piggy. I know you'll be happy when you receive your actual pressie! A new addition to the family, baby pooh! Yeppie! xD

.

Christmas On The Day Itself

Couldn't really sleep the night before but my drunk ass bro and friends slept like pigs! I'm up all morning, admiring the watch my baby gave me as Christmas pressie. Then spent the whole day slaving for my family members. All seemed like a normal day to me, so un-Christmas like, until I went to pick up my baby. We had some rest at my place before we head to the Water Sports Center where my baby's cousins, Joei, Joel and Wen Dee( I think her name's spell like this) are having a barbeque with their friends. They sure have some delicious food waiting for us cause this is like the first time I ate so much at a barbeque party. I bought some clams and prawns over to spice things up a little. I made great steam prawns for the people there. Yeah, it's edible. Don't doubt my culinary skills cause you'll be knocked off your feet! We had great time together, too bad we forgot to take pictures! Forgetful baby bear and baby honey! That won't be a problem cause the memories will be engraved in our hearts forever. We went to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks later in Gurney Plaza at 11.30pm. The movie was nice, so nice that my baby and I enjoyed it very very much! And this is the first movie so far, that we're not late for! Yeppie! At the end of the day, we escorted trio, Joei, Joel and Wen Dee back to their dorm-like room. The best thing about the day after spending time with my baby was receiving pressies from the trio! And that's how my Christmas went. Looking forward to celebrating New Year's eve with my baby! Pray so hard to have a peaceful one. Till then, Ciao! xD

.

pictures will be uploaded a.s.a.p

Patience is Virtue

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

hugs and kisses baby bear

love ya

xD

♥The Happiest Day Of My Life♥

ღ

This is the day when I get what I wanted.

This is the day when I get to give her what she wanted.

ღ

This is the day when I hear the word I wanted to hear the most.

This is the day when she hears the phrase she wants the most.

ღ

This is the day when I step into a whole new phase in life.

This is the day when she steps into this new phase with me.

ღ

From this day onwards I'll finally get to call her My Baby.

From this day onwards I'll finally get to hear her call me Her Baby as well.

ღ

From this day onwards,

It's gonna be a whole new adventure for us,

To live and to love,

For better or for worse,

We'll go through whatever it is,

Together.

ღ

ღ The Honey and The Bear ღ

ღ Our First kiss ღ

14/12/2009

♥ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥

Deep inside me.

In my soul.

Where noone could reach.

I'd like to scream.

As loud as I can.

So loud that the world could hear me.

So mighty that even the mightiest of lions bow to my roar.

I'd like to scream.

As loud as I can.

Cause there's nothing I can do.

To make me feel better.

I'd like to scream.

As loud as I can.

Cause there's nothing I know of.

That could excite me anymore.

I'd like to scream.

As loud as I can.

Cause that's the only thing I can do.

To dry the tears and mend to the scars deep inside my heart.

I'd like to close my eyes.

For as long as I can.

Cause there are so many sins in this world.

I don't want to lay eyes on any.

I'd like to close my eyes.

For as long as I can.

Cause I'm very tired.

Of this black and white world.

I'd like to close my eyes.

For as long as I can.

To look back into the past.

And reflect those memories once dear to me.

I'd like to close my eyes.

For as long as I can.

To look back into the past.

And reflect what I've lost to gain something I have today.

I'd like to close my eyes.

For as long as I can.

To look back into the past.

To learn how to appreciate things dear to me that I didn't before.

I'd like to close my eyes.

And when it's my last time doing so.

I wish so hard.

That I've lived up to everyone's expectations and made them proud.

For I won't have the chance.

To open my eyes and do it one more time.

I'd like to stay awake.

For as long as I can.

To try new things.

To make more colour out of my black and white world.

I'd like to stay awake.

For as long as I can.

To see the other side of the world.

To see if the grass is greener on the other side of the world.

I'd like to stay awake.

For as long as I can.

To be able to be there for the ones I love.

To wipe off their tears and put smiles on their faces.

I'd like to stay awake.

For as long as I can.

To be able to accomplish.

Things I've planned and the life I've always wanted.

I'd like to stay awake.

For as long as I can.

Cause there is someone that I love.

That I want to spend my life with.

For as long as I live.